Speak Briefly and Carry a Big Stylebook
by bumpylight
After an extensive search, I decided on Textbroker as a marvelous opportunity for learning to be a better writer and for collecting a splash or two of beer money. The editors were very kind as I fought to rid my writing of grade-school errors. With much effort and with considerable help from Keira, Melissa and Christina, my skills have at last struggled feebly into the estate of maturity. It is an honor to have been invited to share a few thoughts on the art of writing.
In a world flooded with poorly expressed ideas, brevity and clarity are the golden twins. Style is their urbane little brother, always ready with an amusing quip. Strong sentences linger in the mind and soothe the soul with easy comprehension. Flabby sentences, on the other hand, are verbal mush. They harbor a multitude of extraneous words that mooch like unwashed party crashers, diverting precious attention from clear meanings.
Readers, editors and clients all dislike prolixity. Authors paid by the word are understandably stalked by the temptation to dragoon a host of hobo words into scavenging extra pennies, but a competent writer values efficiency. Hard-working prose delights readers, pleases editors and attracts more orders from happy clients.
The essence of brevity and clarity is to use exactly as many of the right words as needed. A paucity of words can leave a reader confused and irate; an excess of words can leave a reader confused and bored. Brevity and clarity do not march in lockstep. A balance must be found. Adding words may increase comprehension. The trick is to stop when enough words have been added. The essence of good style is choosing words that jiggle and bounce instead of shuffling. Brevity is short; clarity is sweet; style is pretty.
The ability to write effectively with a popular style is acquired largely through voracious reading of popular communications such as novels, short stories, essays and news reports. Referring frequently to dictionaries and thesauri for useful vocabulary words is also helpful. Misusing a word is embarrassing for the author and jarring to readers; overusing a limited vocabulary results in flat prose. Readers enjoy lively prose that draws upon the richness of the English language.
A few stylistic horrors are common among less-experienced authors: "would of," "could of," "because of," "due to" and the overuse of "important." Consider the following sentence:
"It is important to consider many factors when deciding upon an insurance policy."
Compare it to a slightly different version:
"Many factors enter into the decision to trust a particular insurance policy."
The revised sentence doesn't suffer at all from having booted the stuffy word "important."
Verbs and adjectives are the workhorses of style. Strong, clear verbs leave a deeper impression than weak, uncertain verbs. Some articles do call for timid verbs that strive to avoid passion, but these special cases usually are easily identifiable. Legal and medical articles notoriously require weasel words, such as "might be," "is considered," "seems" and "suggests." However, a vigorous voice is generally better. Adjectives are like spices and herbs; too much seasoning will spoil the broth. Temporarily banishing an adjective will often expose it as a hobo word. There is an old rule of thumb for adjectives: "When in doubt, leave it out."
It is true that some assignments are insubstantial enough that it is difficult to complete them without adding material that wanders beyond the instructions. Advertising copy in particular is inherently lightweight, and clients don't always know how to estimate the optimum word count. Depending on the required word count and idea content, sentences and paragraphs can be simplified or made more complex. Still, the ethos of authorial professionalism dictates showing respect for clients by recruiting new ideas whenever possible.
I will discuss three personal struggles with brevity and style that arose during the composition of this essay. First, I included the following sentence at the end of the opening paragraph:
"It seems worth visiting brevity, clarity and style."
I thought it flowed smoothly from a personal introduction. However, Keira correctly pointed out later that this sentence was out of place and lacked conviction. Also, to whom did the topic seem worth visiting? Was I mumbling about myself, or were timorous readers hiding in the broom closet? After thinking about it, I realized that the entire sentence was redundant. After all, the topic makes its appearance in the very next paragraph.
Further on in the essay, I tentatively wrote the following sentence:
"Make no mistake about it: There is simply no substitute for ruthless editing."
The opening phrase sounded nice, but it added nothing of substance. Would the reader really be mistaken about it without a reminder? Out it went:
"There is simply no substitute for ruthless editing."
A hint of flabbiness lingered. Aha! The word "simply" looked to be a badly dressed interloper, filching sushi canapés from the buffet table. Goodbye, fellow:
"There is no substitute for ruthless editing."
The finished sentence delivers its point and immediately makes way for the next entrant in the play.
Finally, I stubbornly tinkered with a superficially meaningful passage:
"Sentences that eagerly set out to prove themselves clever are bad team members, but sentences that quietly set out their purposes and ideas with a minimum of fuss are good team players."
Quite apart from a dawning sense of being mocked by the grinning spirit of irony, it grew clear that this empty shed of words contained but a mere whisper of meaning. I sadly let the fluffy failure blow away in the wind.
In closing, extremely few authors are capable of straightaway producing nearly flawless prose. It is natural for most authors to produce sloppy, duplicative text as part of the thinking process. Retaining sloppy text is self-indulgent, though. The hallmark of a successful author is the willingness to summarily execute entire passages for the crime of redundancy. A beautiful turn of phrase that accomplishes little is ultimately annoying. A self-disciplined author will kill it, mourn it and move on.
posted on 10/26/2011 - 04.59 | authors | comments: 61
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This is quite helpful and very eloquently written. I will make a note of my tendency toward verbosity and lean more toward concise yet powerful word choices...added by: author AlisonM on 10/26/2011 - 10.08
I realize that writing an essay about perfection in writing inevitably invites crushing remarks about the numerous, appalling imperfections in my own writing. I freely admit that even now, I am no less susceptible than others to scribbling verbose horrors. I find hunting down hobo words to be a constant struggle. Frankly, my first effort was outright embarrassing. Any small merit attendant to the finished essay belongs in large part to Keira's cogent remarks and effective editing. Thanks, Keira! I really appreciate the way you saved my butt from a lifetime of jeering. ^_^added by: author bumpylight on 10/27/2011 - 12.14
Very nice. I especially liked that you ruthlessly edited your sentence about ruthless editing.added by: author Calliope on 10/27/2011 - 11.30
Thank you for the kind remarks, all! BTW, I guess I should explain that the title is a sly reference to a famous saying by former U.S. president Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt, who held office near the turn of the last century. He said, "Speak softly and carry a big stick." I'll leave it to the reader to search for the historical background. ^^;added by: author bumpylight on 10/27/2011 - 06.57
Well done. Thanks. But SEO is what it's all about, not literature. My mom has a cookbook from the early 1900's that paid $.01 per word. That's still a pay per word on many sites, including this one. It's no wonder people pad for word count. Nice essay though, well done.added by: author A-005205 on 10/27/2011 - 11.56
Nice piece, although I tend to think your suggestions will come short in factual writing. Your flowery use of language seems perfect for creative pieces but I doubt they will do justice to an SEO'd article.added by: author K.Harter on 10/28/2011 - 03.57
I must say that this is pretty well done and gives me something to think about. I am guilty of using the word "important," though, not as often as a newbie does.
Text Broker staff have played a major role in enabling me to perfect my writing also. I appreciate every bit of advice I receive.added by: author Waldorf PC on 10/28/2011 - 04.13
I agree that SEO (search engine optimization) is an art in itself. Working writers obviously will need to adjust the Flesch–Kincaid reading-comprehension level up and down for different audiences. The language in the essay is aimed more at freelance writers, who tend to appreciate wordplay. I admit to a weakness for singing and dancing troupes of vocabulary words. Every audience deserves access to the marvelous world of written language, though!added by: author bumpylight on 10/28/2011 - 09.14
Nice job. but I thought I saw you post once that clients thought your style was just too much for most....Personally I love your posts but I think your style would be best used in writing a book, or two. Do you think you have one in your soul? I think it would be awesome!added by: author LizG on 10/28/2011 - 09.30
Such skillful use of the semicolon! ;D
You completely outed your love of British English when you used "straightaway" in the last paragraph. LOL
Great piece! Reminder to self: down with the hobo words!added by: author Rosa Lyn on 10/28/2011 - 10.16
Great article, very helpful and informative. Thank you for sharing.added by: author shannonlyn on 10/28/2011 - 10.59
Bumpylight, I love the way you used colorful, intelligent words in your post. For me, those words make anything more interesting. This also left me thinking of all the 'hobo' words in my writing vocabulary. I'll have to start finding homes for those hobos in places other than my content. :) Well done!added by: author Erin Jay on 10/28/2011 - 11.02
Excellent suggestions bumpylight. Thank you for sharing this valuable piece.added by: author A-033566 on 10/28/2011 - 12.09
So, out of the eleventy-jillion authors on the site, the editors asked YOU to write about ...brevity...added by: author Stormgod on 10/28/2011 - 01.15
Valiant effort. I follow a different rule: "less is more". There was a touch too much gravy poured over each sentence for my taste.added by: author AWebCat on 10/28/2011 - 01.32
In the longer writing I do off the site, teh editing is never done. It is true that often, upon a second, third or hundreth reading, I find whole sections that I must delete for the sake of the entire work.added by: author Leahmaude on 10/28/2011 - 02.02
Very nice! I shall continue to ruthless edit in my quest for relentless professionalism!! ;-)added by: author Ameewrites on 10/28/2011 - 02.46
True, it's quite impossible for an author to write flawlessly; everyone needs an editor. Even editors need an editor. X-D
How ironic, that when people use the word "simply" in their writing, they sound like a stuffy old English teacher. Or maybe a snooty manners teacher who turns up her nose and reminds you that you "simply must not use bad grammar." Hmm.....
Anyways, grats on scoring a feature in the blog, bumps! :Dadded by: author EditingMom on 10/28/2011 - 03.32
This was very entertaining and very enlightening as is your usual, bumpy:)added by: author WriteMum on 10/28/2011 - 05.41
A few fun books lurk mischievously in the depths of my soul, LizG. I hope to allow them out soon to pull pranks on unsuspecting readers! Believe it or not, I can also write somberly when needed. After checking in the mirror for a properly grave expression, I sit heavily before the computer and allow solemn words to march forth like pallbearers. O_O
Yes, Rosa Lyn, I loves me some brilliant vocabulary words for discerning blokes. The British are probably relieved that I'm safely on this side of the pond, though. Heh-heh.
Erin Jay, a useful tool for shooing away hobo words is a copy of "The Elements of Style" by William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White. This classic guide to brevity, clarity and style bulges with ways to keep your word party elegant. ^_^
If it's any comfort, Stormgod, I tossed out a few ideas and picked brevity when Keira indicated interest in it. It's all my fault! I'm sowwy. I knew you'd be a bit sad. Here, have a nice cuppa Darjeeling tea and a bikkie. ^^;
You're quite right, Leahmaude. Writing for your own sites means being able to slash further at stuffed prose, although I wonder sometimes about the perils of chasing the mirage of perfection.
I agree that the essay could have been trimmed still more, AWebCat. I already see multiple ways to improve it. As Keira said, though, there comes a time when enough is enough. Absolute perfection is for obsessive authors with plenty of money in the bank and no lives of which to speak. After the third round of editing, it was time to let the essay make its own way in a cruel world. ;^)
Yeah, EditingMom. No matter how many times I shove it out the door, the word "simply" keeps creeping into my writing. I'll bet you're better at sternly banishing hobo words than I, too! :)
*waves gently at Ameewrites, WriteMum and the others who offered more kind words*added by: author bumpylight on 10/28/2011 - 06.05
This article has several writing tips that are very helpful. Thank you.added by: author 'NET' on 10/28/2011 - 06.50
I will forever believe that your blog is my path to doing better, but I am not sure about editors who bounce technical terms.added by: author G. Adcock on 10/28/2011 - 06.53
I liked this. I suffer from a surfeit of words and sentences puffed with fluff. I will take the editing knife and sharpen it daily.added by: author AlbionBoy on 10/28/2011 - 06.57
Fantastic writing and advice! Thank you very much, dear Bumpy!added by: author A-086531 on 10/28/2011 - 09.50
A good article, Bumpy. As a new author here, I will take this advise to heart! Thanks!added by: author A-086393 on 10/28/2011 - 10.51
Nah, those hobo words are sneaky little fellers. :P (Btw, I didn't mean to say that you're stuffy or snooty for using "simply"! I was simply agreeing with you! Wait....)added by: author EditingMom on 10/29/2011 - 12.37
A piece that was informative and a delight to read. Nicely done.added by: author JDoc on 10/29/2011 - 10.19
Interesting. Coming from a newspaper background I appreciate brevity, and agree less is more. Some of your comments are difficult to incorporate based on clients' requirements.added by: author A-062121 on 10/29/2011 - 10.48
I'm still trying to find a good balance between SEO and lively prose. It's an art, and practicing it for these quick little articles is a challenge.added by: author Sine on 10/29/2011 - 11.07
I am currently reading "The Random House Guide To Good Writing" by Mitchell Ivers, and Google's "Search Engine Optimization Starter Guide" by Google. I now believe the question "For Whom Am I Writing?", has become both an art and a science. My goal is to please both Google's spiders, and my client's audience. I believe the marriage, of SEO and purposeful prose can be successful, although at times, it may resemble Whitney & Bobby. Voice, tone, and diction are old country bumpkins. Keyword density is the city slicker that recently moved in. It kind of reminds me of "The Beverly Hillbillies."added by: author iScribe on 10/29/2011 - 01.47
Wow! What an awesomely written blog entry! It has been quite awhile since I have even been on here at Textbroker, but I received notice of this blog post via email. Thanks for the insight into wordiness, which, in case you can't tell already, would be an issue for me. You have me thinking about what I am saying--or thinking-- in my head, and looking for a way to trim the verbosity. Hopefully I will be able to use your tips to better my articles. I can't seem to rise above level 3. Thanks again!added by: author goodhumor on 10/29/2011 - 05.58
Hi Bumpy,
A very entertaining article that offers some very good advice.
I do agree with the few who commented on the suitability of your suggestions to fulfilling word count requirements and SEO needs.
I have had Textbroker clients who insisted that poor grammar be used for SEO purposes. I get dinged by editors for it. I think, at times, well I always think, but at times I specifically think that Textbroker editors forget the audience we are writing for. Proper grammar and punctuation can confuse them as well as clients.
That said, I think overall the editors do a very good job. If I did not have to pump out volume I could do my own editing and catch some basic mistakes. I do recommend to all a free tool called Afterthedeadline, it checks grammar and spelling as you write and is available as an extension for most browsers. It is a good tool, but will never replace human editing.
added by: author Alan1018 on 10/29/2011 - 08.04
Love the post! Still, three rounds of ruthless editing of a blog post on choosing the best kind of orthodontia paying a penny per word? There isn't enough time in the day!added by: author RCMurd on 10/29/2011 - 09.29
I must agree with you, Bumpy. I started out wanting to write and make a few extra bucks. Since then, my writing has developed to a whole new level. I've been able to expand my writing into other areas and found a whole new passion of writing. Thanks Textbroker!added by: author Kira Lee on 10/30/2011 - 12.51
Nice Bumpy, I like your outing of "simply," a word that almost never has any significance.
cheers,
jadded by: author A-088713 on 10/30/2011 - 11.48
I absolutely loved ready your essay and those similar in nature, however, I try hard not to sound like that when writing. I think I'm still searching for my style.added by: author Jazz9 on 10/31/2011 - 12.50
This was very informative. It is enciouraging to know that we all suffer from some of the same issues with our writing. I got a little more clarity about writing that I will start applying to my next piece. Thanks.added by: author Alizdesign on 10/31/2011 - 02.31
When I saw that bumpy had written a blog post I just had to read it. It was wonderful. I love how you use words. I wish I had that skill. You make a simple sentence mean so much more.
Thank you for the tips.added by: author KRod on 10/31/2011 - 06.28
Bravo, Bumps!
That was a very helpful post. You also taught me a few words that I previously did not know, such as urbane, prolixity, paucity and ethos. Thank you for that, as I'm always looking to expand my vocabulary.
I also fall prey to the stylistic horrors you mentioned: could of, would of, because of, important, etc. I have to try harder to find words to replace those.
Thanks again for the post! :)
Cheers, TB, for picking Bumps to write a guest blog.added by: author Moogles on 10/31/2011 - 07.49
Thank you for the insight given in your delightful prose. There is alot of meat to chew on here. I hope to succeed with testbroker also.added by: author Budrfli on 11/02/2011 - 06.36
Insightful. I have been a writer for more than 20 years, but I had to consult my dictionary on this one. I agree. Less is more. Simple, understandable English is a sell when it comes to readers.added by: author JustImagin on 11/02/2011 - 07.51
Hey Bumpy, Thanks for this article. I need to mark most of it in red and hang it above my computer. Especially the part about using too many adjectives and too many words and commas.
added by: author Jano on 11/09/2011 - 09.00
Too much brevity can become limiting. If you want to write poetry, say much with little. If you write prose, I want to read your descriptive style, I want to taste all the attributes in a wine, I want to see the pores of the man's skin. I'm done with English 101. I want to fly with the words now. Thank you for your input here.added by: author Kalena on 11/10/2011 - 02.47
Glad you've found topics to write about. I haven't found one topic I know anything about. Even with Christina's suggestions, at my 3 star level, all the topics I look at, I know nothing about. I haven't even earned .49 cents to buy kitty tuna. Thanks for your blog.added by: author A-078594 on 11/11/2011 - 05.47
I loved this, Bumpy. I admire you as a writer and look forward to buying your novel or short story collection!added by: author Dory on 11/17/2011 - 09.05
The terms, "would of" and "could of" are not stylistic errors. They are incorrect 3rd grade contractions of "would have" and "could have." The term "because of" could be useful. Overuse of any word including "important" is redundant. The words "trust" and "insurance policy" should only be used together in negative sentences.added by: author OneReason on 01/07/2012 - 10.46
Well-written essay. When writing pay-per-word and SEO-driven articles, it is tempting to turn out sloppy work very quickly. Not everyone aspires to be a freelance writer in other venues, but your advice is well-considered for those who do. Thanks for an enjoyable and useful read.added by: author soldout86 on 01/20/2012 - 03.04
Wow I did not read the entire article..Ooops! I was lost. I am currently in a taking a technical writing class and this article would've failed miserably. Why? The sentences are too long and their are too many outdated words. Readers don't want to think too hard they want to read. In essence, they want you to KISS them...Keep It Short and Simple that is.added by: author A-116181 on 02/26/2012 - 12.33
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